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Your story, the final
frontier - our mission to explore new territory,
to seek out active verbs and deeper meaning, to
boldly go where you, as writers, want to excel.
No, you haven't entered a Star Trek episode.
Although, as a writer, you may sometimes wonder if
you have. I'm talking about adding more texture and
richness to your writing. A little pizzazz. For
instance, let's take Jill.
1: Jill walked up the hill. There's
not much visual there. All the books I've ever read
tell me I need to use stronger verbs. Okay, I can do
that.
2: Jill trudged up the hill. That's a
little better. Now I can see Jill and she really
doesn't look like she wants to walk up that darn
hill. But it's still not quite visual enough. So
maybe we can take it a step further.
3: Jill trudged up the rocky path, the
rope handle on the wooden pail biting into her palm.
Now we've added depth to the visual, but there's
still something missing. Even though the reader
probably realizes Jill's legs are aching from
trudging up the hill and her hand hurts, they still
don't really know what Jill is feeling.
4: Jill trudged up the rocky path, the
rope handle on the wooden pail biting into her hand.
Pain was good. Maybe it would wipe away the deep
aching hole in her heart that Jack left when he'd
asked for a divorce. Better. Now you know a
little more why Jill isn't dancing up the hill. That
good for nothing Jack has left her. But has the
passage come alive? Do you truly know how Jill
feels? This is the point where you need to dig
deeper. How would you feel if your mate asked you
for a divorce? The person who promised to love you
forever?
5: Jill trudged up the rocky path, the
rope handle on the wooden pail cutting into her
hand. Pain was good. Maybe it would wipe away the
deep aching hole in her heart that Jack left when
he'd asked for a divorce.
She stumbled. Oh God, it hurt so much. This
couldn't be happening. Not to her marriage. She drew
in a deep, shuddering breath and leaned against the
well. The stones provided a support Jack would never
again give. All alone! A voice screamed inside her
head.
Her hands trembled as she reached into the pocket
of her apron and brought out the band of gold. The
testimony of Jack's love had once held warmth, but
off her finger, it was just a cold piece of metal.
She tilted her hand and watched as it tumbled across
her palm and landed with a little plop into the
water below.
Goodbye, Jack. She let the pail fall to the
ground. He could get his own damn water from now on!
By digging deep into Jill's emotions we see what
Jack's leaving is really doing to her not just
through thoughts, but action as well. She stumbled
--This action shows the reader that Jill is having
trouble coping with the disaster that has struck her
life.
Then she goes through denial. Jill doesn't want to
admit the marriage is over. The reader can see her
pain and fear.
Symbolism is shown with the wedding band. Her
marriage had once been warm and full of love, but
since Jack asked for a divorce, it has grown cold,
like her wedding band.
By dropping the ring into the water she's also
letting go of her past. Another insight into her
character is shown when she drops the pail and
thinks to herself that he can get his own damn
water. The reader sees that Jill isn't about to
wallow in self-pity.
When you go through your manuscript look deep into
each scene and the character and think about what
you can do to add another layer, break new ground,
and take your work into another dimension.
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